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As a gay man in my late 40s, my life has involved many, mostly enjoyable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I had a serious relationship that lasted a significant period, however I never felt completely content, because I didn't experience love or intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start seeing a potential partner, once the newness fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with new partners again.

Reflecting on the Possibility of Monogamy

I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that numerous gay men have open relationships, but when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed like hard work, frequently resulting in lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. In many ways, I desire a partner to care for me while allowing me to remain sexually free, but I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Should I just keep having casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused.

Every person’s intimate path varies. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your capacity to handle different types of intimate connections in a finite way. Your needs as you are experiencing them now may well change down the road; eventually you may find yourself less ambivalent and discover some clarity and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. At some point you might meet a person offering a transformative opportunity to you by reflecting what you want in a holistic fashion … and later on you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about the future and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply rooted in fear and squandering of your efforts. Aim to stay in the moment with your partners, and recognize the worth of each person with whom you might have a sexual connection. If and when you are ever ready to deepen genuine closeness with a single person, you will know.

• The psychotherapist practices as a US-based therapy professional who specialises in addressing sexual disorders.